Rose Coloured Glasses
by M.E. Magnificent Entity
Summary: Some people use tinted glasses when they look at the world in order prevent themselves from seeing the bad things. Begins several years after the war, when the pilots have their glasses removed. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, but to other, richer people.  
Warnings: 5xR, yaoi (1x2), angst, after EW. 

**Rose Coloured Glasses**  
by M.E. 

AC 207 

[Visitor Hours: 10:00 A.M. - 7:00 P.M.] 

The sign swung inwards with the door when he pushed on the glass. He didn't bother reading it, he really didn't care whether he was going to be allowed in – if they didn't let him in, he figured he could always climb through a window. In fact, that had been his original plan until Quatre had dissuaded him, explaining that the the hospital staff was _not_ likely to appreciate it. 

A soft snort of amusement at that thought – it was his experience that hospital staffs didn't appreciate anything that didn't involve jabbing someone with a needle. 

Behind the reception desk to his left stood a red haired woman who _would_ have been pretty if it weren't for the fact that her mouth appeared to be drawn tight in a perpetual look of distaste. Her eyes ran up and down his body, and she scowled at the ratty condition of his clothing. He met her glare for glare, then shrugged. Sure, his clothes weren't exactly in the best condition, but then he'd just finished an undercover assignment for the Preventers and hadn't had a chance to change yet. 

The redhead finally took it upon herself to break the silence. "Yes? Can I help you?" 

"Umm... yeah, I'm here to visit the patient in room 309." 

The exchange that followed lasted ten minutes and involved him providing five forms of identification in addition to being subjected to a retina scan, and she was obviously _not_ content with the excuse he gave when she demanded to know his mother's maiden name. However, even she had to eventually admit that there was no way she could keep him out, and finally let him go on ahead – though he could feel her glare burning its way through his shoulder blades as he crossed the room. The uncanny feeling didn't let up until he'd made it around a corner and out of her line of sight. 

After pausing for a moment to recover from the effects of the Suspicious Receptionist From HELL, he set off down the hall, speeding up until he reached a pace that was a near run, one that he didn't let up until he literally ran into the dark haired man standing in front of room 309. For a moment, they both just stood there, locked in a sort of half-embrace. 

Finally, the newcomer managed to extricate himself from the tangle, planting a somewhat messy kiss on the other's lips as he took a half-step backwards. "Missed you." 

"Mm... me too." 

He glanced nervously at the door, then back at the man who had been guarding it. "So... any improvement? Any change?" 

"Improvement...? No, not really. Sorry." A pause as he reached out to caress the other's face. "Wufei was here earlier." 

"Oh?" 

"He stayed for five hours. Finally got him to leave and get something to eat." 

"Heh. Yeah, that's Wu all right – doesn't know when to let up. Heero... is it okay if I go in?" A nod from the head of brown hair, and another quick hug before he pushed the door and entered. 

Once inside his eyes quickly focused in on the frail form lying on the room's one, narrow bed, noting pale greyish tint to the skin. Smiling hesitantly, he stepped forward so that he stood in the middle of the room and in full view of the bed's occupant. 

His throat was dry, and when he spoke his voice came out in an almost unrecognizable croak. "Hey, 'Lena, how's it goin'?" 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, but to other, richer people.  
Warnings: 5xR, yaoi (1x2), angst, after EW. 

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
September 13, AC 203 

Well, it's official. Une's decided that, since Wufei and I get along so well, she might as well assign him to me permanently. So, we all know what that means: 

Chang Wufei, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, four weeks a month, twelve months a year, for the rest of my life... 

God, it will be a miracle if we don't kill each within a the first week, especially since she's having him move in with me. If nothing else, I'll finally have a use for that extra bedroom and I'll have another mouth to help me with eating everything – hey, I can't help it if I have a tendency to fix more than I can eat! 

Though now that I sit down and actually think about it, maybe it won't be as bad as I originally thought. 

* * *

(Wufei: AC 207) 

Two days ago I set off the smoke alarm when I forgot about a pot of soup on the stove. When I finally turned it off, I think it had been going for five minutes, and there was only about an inch of soup left in the pot. This morning I was halfway through my first cup of coffee when I realized that I'd forgotten to put the grounds in the machine and I was drinking plain hot water. 

Lately, I've done a lot of absentminded things like that. I try to tell myself that I won't let it affect me, that I shouldn't worry, everything will be all right. 

But I can't help myself. Every time I find myself sitting around with nothing to do (which seems to happen more and more often these days) my thoughts turn to her, and all I can see is her thin, wasting form... 

She's so much stronger than I'll ever be... what am I going to do without her strength to support me? 

* * *

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
July 20, AC 204 

We were halfway to the dedication ceremony when I realized that I'd forgotten to bring my sunglasses along. Usually, I wouldn't have worried because I don't like to wear them in front of the TV cameras (they make me look like I'm a bodyguard or someone from some type of agency), but some fool or another had decided to hold the ceremony at the beach, so sunglasses would be preferable to being blinded by the glare coming off the sand and the water. Better to have your eyes completely hidden then be squinting at millions of people on an international broadcast. 

So I had Pargan stop at the gas station and got Wufei to run in and get me a new pair of glasses. I made the mistake of telling him that I didn't care what they looked like as long as the lenses weren't completely opaque and the rims didn't have rhinestones or anything tacky like that. Elegant, I said. 

When he came back, he tossed the case at me as soon as he was in the car. The smirk on his face should have warned me, but it didn't, and I told Pargan to go on since we were late already. 

We got there and Wufei put on his black "look-at-me-I'm-a-cool-bodyguard" shades, and I took out my glasses and put them on. Then I thought Bad Things at Wufei and his strange sense of humor, remembering that smirk. 

Really, being seen on global-TV wearing glasses with pink lenses is _not_ good for one's public image, in my opinion. And despite what others think, I've never really liked the colour. 

But I bore it out with a smile – swearing at Wu under my breath the entire time. 

He's so dead. 

* * *

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
July 23, AC 204 

Status Report on the War Against Wufei: 

Duo has joined forces with me and has agreed that spamming Wu's Preventers e-mail account is definitely go. He thinks he might be able to hack into that company that makes those god-awful tampon commercials (the ones that look like perfume ads) and use their setup. Usually I wouldn't condone such illegal actions, but in this case it's for a good cause. 

We're going to see if we can recruit Heero tonight. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, but to other, richer people.  
Warnings: 5xR, yaoi (1x2), angst, after EW. 

(Wufei: AC 207) 

I don't think any of us noticed the pain constantly swimming in her eyes until it was too late. Looking back, I can't help but wonder how we could be so blind, so oblivious to what was happening. So now we kick ourselves over and over again, hoping to somehow find a way to go back in time and change our ignorance into knowledge, and when that doesn't work, we all find our own ways to cope. 

Yuy has taken up near-permanent residence outside her door, only breaking when either Barton or Maxwell can relieve him. He won't let me stand guard, I don't press the issue. Maxwell attempts to tackle the problem with his almost clichŽ exuberance, bringing her flowers, candy, teddy bears, checkers, chinese finger traps... Hilde is almost as bad, except with her it's baked goods – cookies, cakes, pies... Winner is attempting a desperate race against time, throwing money at the drug companies in hopes of a wonder cure. And I... 

I... 

I mostly sit. 

* * *

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
May 17, AC 201 

Duo and Heero celebrated their one year anniversary yesterday. It was a small affair, close friends only – meaning the other pilots, myself, Hilde, Sally, and Lady Une. 

It's strange, I've never really gotten a chance to sit down and talk to the other pilots before this. I've only become truly close to both Duo and Heero in the last couple of years, since Une has both of them alternate back and forth as my bodyguard. I'm so glad that I finally got over my stupid crush on Heero – it's much easier to be friends with someone when you aren't forcing them to hide from you all of the time. 

I talk to Quatre on the comm. sometimes, he's a reliable source for information on companies and corporations. Trowa I really don't see at all, since he doesn't stay in one place for very long, and we never seemed to have that much in common, though Duo always insists that we might be more similar than we'll ever know. 

The party itself was a grand success, excusing the fact that Chang chose to show up two hours late, and then stayed in the shadows for the rest of the evening. 

Nothing else of interest, with the exception of Une confiding in me that she'll have a surprise waiting at my office tomorrow morning. I can hardly wait. 

Doctor gave me a new prescription today, supposed to help with the pain. Hope it's supposed to take a while to take affect, since no noticeable results yet. 

* * *

(Wufei: AC 207) 

Though it's rather callous of me, I'd have to say that one of the things I miss the most is her cooking. I don't know what they were supposed to be teaching her at those private schools, but if nothing else they must have had an very good home economics classes, because she has always been an excellent cook. 

She was actually giving me lessons, going over the steps with me, pointing out what I was doing wrong. I was coming along pretty well when she got sick... 

I haven't been eating that much lately, I don't know whether it's because I miss her cooking or because I'm just not hungry. Duo insists on coming by with these casseroles that he's made, but for some reason I can never choke any of it down. I think he and the others are worried about me. 

But really, I just don't know anymore... 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, but to other, richer people.  
Warnings: 5xR, yaoi (1x2), angst, after EW. 

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
August 29, AC 202 

Noin called today with the strangest questions. At first I didn't understand what she was talking about, though I was glad to hear from her; Mars is far enough away that communications between there and Earth really aren't all that reliable. 

It turned out that she wanted to know whether there was any history of hereditary diseases in the Peacecraft dynasty that I might know about. The question itself was a bit strange, and my mind went blank when it tried to think of a reason why she might interested in my family's medical history. She explained that she wanted to know whether Zechs – Milliardo, that is – is driving her nuts because he's messed up in his head or if he's really just doing it on purpose. I think she was hoping for the later, because that way she would have an excuse to pound him. Who knows. 

"Well, you know how it is with royal families," she told me when I asked her why she might be suspicious of Zechs' mental health in the first place, "they all seem to suffer from at least one hereditary disease from too much inbreeding. Especially the European ones." 

I told her that no, the Peacecrafts didn't have any record of suffering from chronic, gene linked madness. She said that that was a relief, and then we talked about other things for a few minutes until the connection deteriorated enough that it wasn't worth it to keep it up. I said goodbye, and hung up. 

I didn't tell her about the other thing. 

* * *

(Wufei: AC 207) 

Do you ever get a feeling like you've never had any control over your life? Three years ago and I was content – I had a job I enjoyed, Duo had finally gotten off my case about dating, and even if I was not truly happy with my life, I would not have said I was unhappy. 

Three months ago this all disappeared. Now I wander, drifting from one thing to another, unable to stay in one place, to settle down. I think I'm looking for something, though I would be unable to answer if questioned about what I am searching for. 

Yesterday, I finally came to a decision, and went to see Lady Une. I quit the Preventers, somehow the job that at one time had been the center of my world, no longer seemed important. I found myself unable to concentrate... my thoughts kept on wandering... 

* * *

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
June 27, AC 200 

It actually started when I was ten, but it wasn't until I was thirteen that we – my family, that is – really noticed anything. At first it was an occasional stumble interrupting otherwise graceful movements or a miscalculated grab for an object. A misplaced foot caused me to pitch forward down a flight of stairs when I was thirteen, and though I was not seriously injured, it was then that my mother insisted that I see a doctor. 

I was diagnosed soon afterwards, much to the confusion of the doctor, might I add – neither my maternal nor my paternal ancestors had shown any history of the disease, and, even though it was possible for it to appear as a result of a simple gene mutation, this rarely occurred in females. I can't remember why now, but he did say something about one X dominating the other. It was all rather confusing. 

As for how I came to inherit the disease, well... What the good doctor didn't know was that my family actually did have a history of it, however it was my real family, not my adoptive one. And since no one, other than my adopted parents, was supposed to know my "true identity," it wasn't surprising that the doctor was ignorant of the fact. 

So, that was how it happened. Thirteen, on top of the world, peak of puberty, rich chick with everything she could possibly want... and then she finds out that she's slowly dying, probably won't live to see twenty, and there's nothing to be done about it. 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, but to other, richer people.  
Warnings: 5xR, yaoi (1x2), angst, after EW. 

(Wufei: AC 207) 

I was talking to a woman in the cafeteria the other day, and she told me that whenever her daughter is stuck in the hospital for chemotherapy, either she or her husband takes time off to stay in the room with her for day. The idea is appealing, so when I got back to the room, I asked the nurse on duty to find a cot and have it brought to Relena's room, so I'll be able to be with stay there all the time. 

The way Relena looks at me, it seems that she would ask me not to stay if she knew I would actually listen. It's not that she doesn't want the companionship, it's more that she doesn't want to be a bother. She doesn't understand that it isn't a bother, that, if anything, it calms my nerves. Maybe now I'll be able to get some sleep at night. 

* * *

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
November 12, AC 205 

The test was positive, blue all the way. I wasn't sure it was correct at first, so I did a couple more, figuring it had best to try the good old two out of three. Both of the others came up positive as well, so tomorrow I'm going to sneak out right after lunch, when Wufei tends to fall asleep, and see the doctor, to find out what I should do. 

I've already decided I'm not going to keep it. It's bound to be a carrier if I do, and according to some research, even carriers can suffer the effects sometimes. Also, I couldn't force a child to grow up without a mother, it wouldn't be fair to it. It wouldn't be fair to Wufei, either. I'm hoping the doctor will be able to recommend something quick and painless. 

Wufei won't even have to know about it. 

* * *

(Wufei: AC 207) 

I discovered this morning that she's right, the vampires do come at five A.M. Since the nurse woke both of us when he came in for blood, I asked her after he left whether she knew if it was necessary for them to come in so early just for blood. She smiled and said that they need to get it done before the shift change at six, and it actually isn't that bad. After a while, apparently, you learn to sleep through it. 

I think the only way she can keep from crying is to eternally joke. I tell it's okay to be upset, but she insists that she's perfectly fine, that nothing's wrong. Maybe, for her, she feels she needs to smile for the rest of us. 

* * *

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
August 26, AC 206 

This evening, when I was fixing dinner, my hands shook so much that I couldn't hold the pan, and it ended up on the floor. Wufei was in the den, and he rushed in when he heard the clatter of the pan hitting the floor. He saw the veggies all over the floor, and me just standing there, holding onto the counter in desperation, and demanded to know what had happened. I told him the pan had slipped out of my grasp, and suggested that we order pizza for dinner instead of my fixing it. I didn't trust my hands to not mess up anything else, and at least pizza was finger food, so I wouldn't have to worry about silverware when I ate. 

He gave me a strange look at my suggestion, and I think he knew that I wasn't telling him something. The way things have been going lately, I don't think I'll be able to last much longer, which is a shame, because it's been nice to pretend that I have a normal life. It won't be normal anymore once he finds out... it's like the poem, "Things fall apart/The center cannot hold." 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, but to other, richer people.  
Warnings: 5xR, yaoi (1x2), angst, after EW. 

(Wufei: AC 207) 

I had to help her with her breakfast this morning. Usually, she manages to do it herself, after having me check off only fingerfoods on the menu that is delivered each morning. Today her hand shook badly, and her coordination was so off that she wasn't able to bring the toast to her mouth in order to take a bite. She just laughed when I finally took the piece of toast away from her, and joked that next she would have to start ordering those high protein drinks, so that she can just drink them with a straw, and not worry about hand-eye coordination. 

Though it hurt me to see her that way, I attempted to play along with her, pretending that the whole thing was just one big joke. I told her about how I spent a week living on those things during the war, and that she really didn't want to try them. The "chocolate" ones taste like alfalfa, and the "vanilla" ones aren't much better. She simply smirked, and said that it would be a shame to give up the hospital meals, since, despite what people will tell you about hospital food, it actually isn't that bad. In fact, they don't even have jello on the menu, which is strange, considering that according to popular literature, jello is the most popular hospital desert. 

...I'm wandering again. I can't think about her for very long anymore without my mind wandering. I'm beginning to think that it may be a self-defense mechanism, that some part of my brain knows that if I were to truly concentrate on her... situation... for too long, I would be trapped in a cycle of fear and desperation. 

* * *

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
January 22, AC 205 

Duo and Heero popped up today at the apartment. Despite Duo's insistence that they "just happened to be in the area", it was obvious that they stopped by because they haven't seen me around recently. I think they were both worried, since they seemed to relax when I explained how I'd missed getting my flu shot. Well, at least Duo relaxed, I'm starting to believe that Heero doesn't know how to, though Duo insists that he does. 

They stayed for dinner, which ended up being quite a show. When I went into the kitchen to get dessert, I nearly died of laughter when I heard Heero comment to Wufei how my cooking skills had improved. God, the look on his face when I came back with the eclairs and told him that, it being Thursday, Wufei had cooked. Wufei wasn't any better, he went bright red and became very flustered and stuttered a whole bunch. Duo didn't even _try_ to hold back his laughter. 

The rest of the evening passed quietly, though Duo did remark that they were still airing footage of that dedication ceremony last July when I wore the infamous pink shades. Just him mentioning it set Wufei off, though he really has no reason to laugh, since I happen to know that he's still getting the spam that was a part of my retaliation. Of course, he has no idea that Duo, Heero, and I had anything to do with that. 

Come to think of it, I believe he also doesn't know about our involvement in the what has come to be called "the noodle incident". It's probably just as well... 

* * *

(Wufei: AC 207) 

It hurts to see her this way, slowly fading away, day by day. Every day she's a little paler and a little weaker. It's as if a small part of her dies each day, though you wouldn't see it if you only visited every now and then. When she's awake, she laughs and jokes, smiling all the time. Or she reads books and newspapers, getting this wrinkle between her eyebrows when she concentrates hard. If it weren't for the fact she needs someone else to turn the pages for her, she would appear completely normal, if a bit pale. In this way, she manages to fool even her closest friends, as well as the world at large. 

But, unlike the others, I've seen her at night, when she's asleep and unable to keep up her facade. Asleep, the pain is evident on her face, and she stirs restlessly in her bed, fighting off phantoms and nightmares of all types and forms. Occasionally she cries out from either pain and fear, which inevitably leads to the urgent footsteps of at least one of the nurses on the third floor. 

I think the only reason the others are able to pretend that her health will improve is that they've never been with her at night. They've never truly seen what she is going through. I've seen it though, and I hate the fact that I have, because it makes me feel so selfish, so self-centered. 

How can I keep hoping that she'll go on, when it is so obvious how much pain she is in...? 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing doesn't belong to me, but to other, richer people.  
Warnings: 5xR, yaoi (1x2), angst, after EW. 

(from the personal journal of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian)  
September 14, AC 206 

Well. 

The charade is all over. Wufei found out today, and it's no wonder that he did, considering the circumstances. I've been sticking to simple recipes, making sure not to do anything too complicated, since the last time I messed up. I wanted to try something special since today it would officially be three years since he moved in with me. Granted, originally it was just because he was going to be my bodyguard, but considering what it eventually lead to, I felt that it warranted a bit of special attention. 

Dinner was going perfectly, right up until the point where it all went wrong. I'd just grabbed the pan of bacon off the stove and was turning around with it when my legs just collapsed underneath me. The grease in the pan when flying, and I got burned all the way down one leg. This time I couldn't even say I'd tripped, since Wufei was there in the kitchen with me, and he saw the entire thing. 

He rushed me to the hospital for the burns. Later, when I'd been bandaged and moved out of the emergency ward and into a more permanent room, he somehow managed to get a hold of my medical file. It was not a pretty scene. 

I don't know why I'm so upset, it was bound to happen sooner rather than later. As it is, I'm twenty six already. That's six years more than they gave me when I was thirteen. 

I just wish it could have lasted a little longer... 

* * *

(from _The L4 Times_, November 12, AC 207) 

DORLIAN, Relena Peacecraft 

Passed away November 11, AC 207 in St. Mary's Hospital, Sanq Kingdom, from coronary complications resulting from a previously existing medical condition. 

The last princess of the Sanq Kingdom, Ms Dorlian was adopted by now deceased Vice Foreign Minister Dorlian and his wife following the destruction of Sanq. She is perhaps best known for her brief time as Queen of the World during the war, as her one-time position as Vice Foreign Minister for the Earth Sphere United Nation. She continued to take an active role in Earth Sphere politics up until her quiet bowing out last fall. As a politician, Ms Dorlian held firm to her convictions that peace would always triumph over conflict. 

She is survived by her foster mother, her brother, Milliardo ("Zechs") Peacecraft and his wife Lucrezia. She will dearly missed by her friends, who will remember her for dedication, easy ability to laugh, culinary skills, and just plain stubbornness. 

Ms Dorlian will be buried in the Peacecraft family plot in Sanq on November 14. The public is asked not to intrude on the actual event, which will be small and limited to close friends and family. A television crew will be in attendance however, and the ceremony will be broadcast for public. See Calendar section for time and station listings. 

Family and friends ask that donations may be made to the International Fund for War Orphans in lieu of flowers. 

* * *

Author's Notes: RCG was originally name after Relena's inability to notice things that seemed blatantly obvious during the series, i.e. she saw only what she wanted to see. In short, she "saw the world through rose colored glasses". However, in writing this fic, it changed from Relena being the one wearing the glasses to all the other people mentioned. Though Relena was dying, they refused to see it. 

Relena's medical condition is based on an actual disease, though slightly exaggerated for the benefit of the story. She has Becker muscular dystrophy, having inherited it from both her mother and her father (ah, the wonders of working with the inbreeding of European nobles!). In the real world, it is doubtful that she would have ended up in the hospital for as long as a year, and the heart problems that sometimes accompany Becker MD could have easily been treated. Also, she would have probably lived to be older than twenty seven, as some males are not even diagnosed until they have entered their thirties. 


End file.
